Black Dagger Brotherhood

I found this series by accident and I became obsessed. I must warn you that it is vampire porn. There is no other way to describe it! It isn't just about the sex though. There is violence, fighting, politics, love, friendship, etc. There is also this whole crazy world of people that are obsessed with the books.

Anyway, I have't gone as far as some fans but I have done a few things that might lead the people who know me to think I have gone over the the edge! For example, I created a playlist. I was thinking about if the series was made into a movie or something and what music would play for different scenes or different characters. It is the first time I have done something like that and it was kinda cool. Now however, I am curious about who would play the characters. There are hundreds of castings out there but I wanted my own. So that is what I am going to do. I am going to create my own casting here just for the hell of it.

Staying Put For Awhile

I didn't get the job. I thought I would be devasted, I thought I would cry my heart out. I haven't. I haven't shed a tear and I am not sure why. It is probably denial. I haven't allowed myself to really think about it. I guess I am thinking about it now but I still feel detached from the fact. I can look at it clinically and realize that it is probably for the best, that it is not the end of the world, there are more opportunities, etc. All of these things are true but my heart was really truly ready for this change. I guess I will keep protecting my heart and let me head do the leading for awhile. There is always next year.

Southern California

So, I am here and I am in back in love. I have always been in love with socal but I have fallen even harder now that I am older, wiser, and have more experiences (aka appreciation) for all it offers. Here are some things I love about southern California

1. Noisy, crazy freeways (even with traffice)
2. Rock hills and mountains in every direction
3. Beautiful people (Not beautiful in the traditional sense but beautiful in all their differnces and styles)
4. The way people speak and the language they use
5. Everyone is sooo friendly and polite!
6. I love downtown LA with all its grittiness and culture
7. I love the valley for its pretty facade
8. The beach
9. The weather
10. Red roof tiles on buildings and homes


The list could go on and on. I love Southern California. I don't care if people say it is too crowded or broke. I don't care if people think it is pretentious or excessive. It is also diverse, open minded, and filled with things to do and see!

Some days its easier than others

I really want to get the most out of each day that I can possibly can. I don't want to take a second for granted. I want to "drink it all in" as my friend Aerobic Mom says! Some days that is easier than others. I think that in the winter it is much harder than in the Spring, Summer, and Fall. I tend to hibernate in the winter, especially after Christmas. I want to get in bed, pull the covers over my head and just hide. It takes more effort to get out of the house, more effort to get things done, and more effort to spend time with friends! In the Spring, Summer, and Fall, these things are easy. I have a horrible habit of just dropping by without calling first. I will just drop in on friends and chat for awhile. Luckily most of my friends forgive me for this behavior! But in the winter I want to pull my house down around me and feel safe and warm. I like that feeling. It isn't really depression. I just love being in my house during the winter. Spring is on its way though! Soon I will be bursting at the seams to get out of the house and start making the most of each day!

Living vicariously and a new chapter

I love movies and books. I love them because I love to pretend that it is me or someone I know in the story. I was watching Mama Mia last night and I just kept thinking how I wanted to be Donna (Meryl Streep's character). How cool it would be to live in Greece and sing and dance instead of talk and walk! I want to sing a song to people instead of speak the words. I want to dance around instead of just walk from point A to point B. I especially want someone like Pierce Brosnan to get down on one knee and profess his undying love for me, even after 21 years! Of course, I am not going to marry him but it would be cool to live in sin!

Movies and books help me feel things. I mean, I feel things all the time but they help me feel good or they make it safe for me to feel sad. It is easier to feel sad about someone else than it is to feel sad about myself. I can watch a movie like Remember Me and cry hysterically for an hour afterwards but I wouldn't dare cry hysterically for an hour about my own life. I was never interested in reading a book more than once or watching a movie more than once. Lately though I have been finding a tremendous amount of comfort in rereading books or watching movies more than once.

I have an appt. with the lawyer tomorrow. I am going to talk about finalizing the divorce. I am not sad about it at all. I am actually relieved and happy to be done with that chapter. I will be able to officially change back to my maiden name! That will definitely make my life easier.

A New Chapter Begins for my Baby

Alex is done with high school! He had his last high school class yesterday. He is taking three college courses this semester - Business Law, Intro to Computers, and Statistical Analysis! He is also working at Andy's as a grill cook. Wow - he was just a little boy playing in the blow up pool on the patio of our apartment! How did he get to be 19 and in college?

He is such a good guy, you know the kind...he is thoughtful about other's feelings, he is nice to everyone and rarely ever gets really angry. He is smart and very responsible with his money! That kid can save money! He is the kind of guy that will stop to help anyone, whether it is a friend that needs a ride home or a stranger on the side of the road. He is funny and can take it just as much as he dishes it out! I am so blessed to call him my son. He is beginning a new chapter in his life and I know he is starting on another excellent adventure!

To Sell or Not To Sell?

Last year I decided I to sell the house. I was absolutely determined that I needed to sell the house and move either to California (which is still an option) or move into a townhouse here in Greenville. Then winter started creeping in and I felt the urge to hibernate. Now, that is all I want to do. I want to pull my house down around me and feel safe and warm. So, do I put the house up for sale or do I stay here safe and secure? Selling has definite advantages! A smaller place with either no yard or less yard would be so much easier! I could still plant beautiful pots of flowers but wouldn't have to mow or do any of the hard work my yard now requires. This house needs so much work - I just don't think I want to tackle all of it. Of course, if I am going to sell I might need to take care of it all first. Staying here would be much easier and much more comfortable. I like comfortable. It feels good. So, maybe I put the house up and see if anyone is interested. Until then I stay here in my comfortable, safe, warm house!